I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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