Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
