i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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