Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
