Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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