Dual....:-)
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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