I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
