So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize