I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
