I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
