Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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