I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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