Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
