I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
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it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
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so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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