Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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