Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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