I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
