So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
