i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
