she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
