sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
