Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
