we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
