Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
