She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
