We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
