Can Purell be used as lube?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
