All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
