my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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