youre lurking in front of me
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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