just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
