mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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