Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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