My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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