Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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