mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
