its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You left your phone here
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