As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
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is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
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They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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