I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
