I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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