Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
