You can't motorboat a personality
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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