Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Sorry my hands just texted you
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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