Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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