Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
