So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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