so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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