Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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