I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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