I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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