a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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