i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I could fuck to npr.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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