So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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