just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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