My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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