he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
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