Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
