I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
