The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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