Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
