Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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