I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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