i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
