dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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